texas holdem

I enjoy playing Texas Holdem Poker. I just lost $500 playing tonight. I bought in $300 at a $1-$3 blinds table, blew most of it on the first hand, bought in an additional $200 to stay in the game, earned my way back up to $500+ and could have walked away paying for gas money, then blew it again on my last two hands for the night. I stood up, said, “good night, gentlemen,” and then walked away.

Of course, I’m disappointed losing money, and I want to be a winner. Plus, $500 could buy a month’s rent, or a lot of meals, or a flight to visit friends or family. Yet I’m strangely calm as I process the experience. I don’t know why I’m not as upset as I would expect someone to be. Have I given up on life? Or I’m seeking something more meaningful beyond the money, the loss, or the ideal of winning?

Gambling itself has strange reactions in my family. Some of the stricter Catholics in the household look upon it as being a sin. Others are just frustrated to hear when family members squander their hard earned money. And yet others, it’s a family ritual of connection, the chance to win a jackpot, to share the winnings, or at least enjoy the comps at the buffet with the family.

For me these days, I am really interested in learning the skills of the game, as well as see it as a challenge of mindfulness. Years ago I played lots of house games with family or colleagues from work. It was fun playing penny and nickel games, and having the thrill of the occasional big win. Then I borrowed books from the library and played games online. I have enough games under my belt to have an intuition about statistics and odds, to know if a hand is worth playing or folding. However, I’ve never been good at reading people, from the other players to my own psychology and tells. So as I want to play more–and convince myself it’s not an addiction!–I have several goals in mind.

• Calm myself so I don’t shake so much, either in anticipation of a hand, or after winning a big hand
• Learn more about betting strategies
• Keep myself from getting emotionally rocked, either from a big loss or a big win
• Don’t get locked into thinking I have the best hand
• Pay more attention to the cards on the table and the possible hands that the other players may have
• Focus more on enjoying the game and the learning, being patient, rather than getting greedy about a big hand

Aside from what I want to do better, though, there are some things that I really enjoy about the whole environment. From the past few trips:

• I love watching the speed and different styles of the dealers, how quickly they use their hands to deal cards, manage chips, calculate rakes and winnings.
• I love the different personalities of the people at the table.
• I listen to some players who are great at commenting on the hands they can see in the community cards, it’s good learning.
• I imagine the people who win my chips and tell a story of those chips going to good use. Like this quiet gentleman who won tonight: I imagine he’s done his work playing games, facing losses, and researching in the past; and now he’ll be able to gift his children back at home with this pleasant victory.

–goodmisfit